If you are a man going through depression and are intentional about getting help, you should be commended for being counted among the courageous. In general, men are less inclined to admit to depression than women, much less pursue help. They are more likely to try merely toughing it out (or driving it underground) or re-channeling it into obsessions with work, angry talk radio, or computer games/blogging, or even drugs—anything to distract them from their pain and facilitate their denial. Some succeed in becoming stoic (or withdrawn into silence), but they also show increased physical symptoms, such as muscular aches and pains, tension headaches, stomach and, more generally, gastrointestinal disorders, and chest pain (along with increased risk for heart disease).

More often than women, men demonstrate their depression through poor anger control. They tend to have a gloom and doom mindset, and are easily frustrated or irritated by small things. Sometimes, it doesn’t take much to trigger them. They may raise their voices against their children for minor offenses and withdraw from their wives, perhaps, by spending hours in their workshops, or on their computers, or almost compulsively going fishing or engaging in some other solitary activity. Sometimes, they will just sit alone for long periods of time.

Depressed men may also have affairs, seeking solace in the alternative thrill of the forbidden fruit—it’s an attempt to self-medicate with a relationship. But nothing seems to solve the problem of anxiety and depression inside. When they do seek help, they are often desperate.